It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Excalibur was on the water, trying to consume
some wind for the eve, so I can get some funk
just rollin on the tide, chillin all alone

Just hit the Eastside of the Thames Estuary
on a mission trying to find buoys 1, 2 and 3.
Seen a tanker full of lights ain’t no need to tweak
all you officers on watch check your AIS screen

So I hooks a left by the Redsands Forts
some brothas laying nets so I said “Let’s do this”
I jumped out the way, and said “oh f*ck?”
some brothas got me stuck on some lobster pots

Since these fishes peepin me I’ma glide and swerve
these hookers lookin so hard they straight hit the herb
Won’tcha think of better things than some horny tricks
I see my homey’s practising their nautical 3 point fix

I’m gettin breakie, I’m stuffing myself
I can’t believe the galley slaves cookin with stealth
Breakkie on the sea, is better than sex
I looked at the plate and said “Damn, what’s next?”

I got my sails all up, the wind is all around
ain’t none of them waves are gonna take me pound for pound
I gotta come up real quick before they start to clown
I best pull out my reef and get that toe-rail down

Permission they said
I think I’m going down
I’m in the outhr harbour in Ramsgate town
If I had engine woes I’d cry
let me contemplate
I glanced in the rev counter, it’s all goin straight

9 metres is the ship and one in the hole
Excalibur is about to make some bodies turn cold
now they droppin and yellin
it’s a tad bit late
long keel boats are a bitch to navigate

I laid my tiller down
I let my prop walk explode
now I’m switching my mind back into marina ‘oh fuck’ mode
if you want jokes sit back and observe
My turning circle is ridiculous onlookers observe

Now Excalibur got the tonneage
and that’s a known fact
now I got Halmatic she’s a 30ft yaaacht
back up back up cause it’s on
Excalibur and me
the ‘H’ to the ‘3’

Just like I thought
they were in the same spot
in need of some mooring help
the Sea Dogg and the RNLI
were in need of something else
one of them yachts was sexy as hell
I said “ooo I like your size.”
she said “my volvo penta’s broke down and you seem real nice,
would ya let me ride?”
I got a boat full of old men and it’s going real swell
the next stop is the River Swale

…that’s as far as I got

Author: Tim Butler

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